Koete (Co- et- ay)
Koete…
I will know
Who I am to them
Would they miss me?
Would they clammer to tell the vultures,
They were my best friend,
Would they beg at deaths feet,
For my soul to be returned,
For my body to be healed,
For my life to be rich,
Happy…
Would they beg him never to let me rise again,
From deaths embrace,
From the endless darkness,
I am forever running from
Would they beg me to sleep on?
Koete…
I won’t run anymore
I won’t fear
I won’t be trapped
Forever hiding
Forever hungry
Forever in the cross hair of my own hatred
I will be everything
I will be nothing
I will stand at the edge of the abyss
And jump.
I will face deaths sneer
I will throw myself to the ground
Pray for it to end
For me to find my way
For me to find my life
Or to find my wings
Koete…
We will run up the stairs,
Laughing,
Gasping,
Pulling each others hands,
A front of happiness
Even now not lost,
With the note on the table
He will hold me on the rooftop
Whisper words of a happy future
That I don’t hear
I climb to the edge
Suddenly serious
I look down and smile, sadness breaking through
I meet his eyes, full of panic
I smile, my goodbyes said,
I tell him not to worry
My wings will save me
His arms reach for me as I step into that abyss
Unafraid
Who would have known
He really did love me
Koete…
It means ‘someday’
But
To me
It means so much more
Hidden depths of sadness
A fear of the abyss
Of being swallowed
Of emptiness
Of darkness
Of light
A whisper
A sigh of longing
Koete…
Someday…
I will find my way.
