Reasoning
So was chatting to Paris the other day about how I’m waiting for him to skitz out at me. I really am just waiting for him to shout at me but he just gets all upset and disapproving. He’s asked me why I expect him to spaz out but I know that the answer would bother him. It’s Dan. Obviously. If I say that I’m just used to someone getting mad at me he doesn’t understand why I’m used to it, you know the norm should have changed after a year. But it hasn’t. And I couldn’t understand that either, until today. So I was texting Leonie and put ‘woop’ on the end. It reminded me that whilst with Dan I wasn’t allowed to say ‘woop’. Honestly he banned me. He reckoned some crappy movie ‘invented’ the word and therefore he hated it. I remember using it by accident and he grabbed my neck and shook me hard enough that I had bruises in the shape of his fingers. So from 13 I was taught to believe that when I angered someone they would react violently. But it’s not just Dan. I remember falling out with my dad and he pinned me to the wall before throwing me out the front door. It bugs me that I can’t get rid of it, that I can’t get over it. But I know I will, at some point.
